Tiger Woods Shoots 54 at Augusta, Retires from Golf
Augusta, GA — In an stunning, exclusive report from Augusta National, home to The Masters, Joey’s Golf Bag reports that Tiger Woods today shot a 54 during a practice session, achieving golf nirvana, and will retire permanently from golf. Said the whiskered one, “Having shot 54 at Augusta, I have nothing left to achieve in golf, so I am putting away my clubs forever.” He is later reported to have said he’ll be running for president in 2008 on the Libertarian Party ticket, saying “I’ll be the youngest president in history”.
His amazing score card:
| Hole | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Out |
| Par | 4 | 5 | 4 | 3 | 4 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 4 | 36 |
| Score | 3 | 4 | 3 | 2 | 3 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 3 | 27 |
| Hole | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | In | Total |
| Par | 4 | 4 | 3 | 5 | 4 | 5 | 3 | 4 | 4 | 36 | 72 |
| Score | 3 | 3 | 2 | 4 | 3 | 4 | 2 | 3 | 3 | 27 | 54 |